Chapter 13
Sometimes, it is so hard to say just three words. I smelled the rich aroma of Jacky’s coffee. The scent was overbearing. Jacky was sitting beside me, taking another sip of his coffee. I stirred my diet coke with my straw and yawned. He still sat beside me in class as per his routine, and I did not oppose him. And at lunch break now, we had our lunch in silence. Jacky did not buy my drink; instead I bought his for him. Yet he just passed me the money without saying a word. Through the corner of my eye, I could see that he had finished his coffee and was coughing as if coffee would create phlegm. On the contrary, my diet coke was still full. There were still about ten more minutes before we had to head back to class. Come on, say it, Joanna! I turned to Jacky. Stunned, he returned my look. His hair was disheveled and his eyes were bloodshot. Despite downing the whole cup of coffee, his lips still looked dry. “You look pale.” I suddenly said and instantly regretted it. “Is it?” he twisted his neck. “Lack of sleep. Been thinking…” I wanted so much to crack a joke so that he would regain the redness on his cheeks. But I did not. I must say it now, or never. Come on, be brave, just three words!
“Hey.” I muttered, softer this time. I did not want others to hear me.
“Hey.” He replied. That idiot. Can’t he see that I’m struggling to say something to him?
“Hey.” I said again.
“Hey.”
“Hey, hey.”
“Can I…” he stopped.
“Wait.” I felt as if this conversation was going nowhere.
“I-”
“Hold your-”
“Love-”
“Hand?”
“You.”
When we both finished our sentences, his head dropped on the table slowly, creating a loud “bang”. His body began to sway towards me. I leaned forward to hold his shoulder, trying to break his fall but he was too heavy. He went tumbling onto the ground and all I could do was to lessen the impact of the fall. His eyes were closed and his cheeks were drained of colour. I shook his shoulders violently. Bewildered students crowded around us, whispering yet doing nothing. “Jacky!” I was shaking him, but he gave no response. “Jacky!” A lecturer came, dispersed the students and sent Jacky to the hospital. And I went along with the ambulance, my heart beating so fast that I could have had a heart attack anytime.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jacky’s mother was a beautiful woman – it was obvious now where Jacky’s striking features had come from. She sat in the waiting room, muttering things that I could not understand. I was with Michael and Jacky’s other friends, all waiting anxiously as he was wheeled into the ward. Michael was trying to console all of us, and he was the one that introduced us as classmates of Jacky to his mother. The wait was over in about fifteen minutes. The doctor came out and talked to Jacky’s mother for a while. He was not smiling, nor was he frowning. When he finished, the nurse spoke to Jacky’s mother as the doctor went off. We went forward. I was trying to discern something from Jacky’s mother’s expression. She seemed relieved. “Jacky’s fine. Thanks a lot for all your concern. He just fainted due to stress over his studies. And he’s not fit to see anyone now. Come back another day, alright?” Jacky’s mother told us after the nurse had left. Everyone left but I stayed. I could sense that something was wrong. Jacky’s mother did not seem worried when talking to us. What left me dumbfounded was why Jacky should be hospitalized when he was merely under too much stress. I entered the ward. Jacky’s mother’s eyes were red-shot. She had been crying. When she saw me, she cupped her eyes for a while before opening them. “Didn’t I ask you all to go back home first?” she said, a bit impatiently. “Can I talk to you?”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Instead of talking at the hospital’s cafeteria, we went to the park. Jacky’s mother was a reserved lady. Throughout the whole journey, she said nothing. When we reached the park, we sat beside an old man. The old man was wearing a patient’s uniform, and he kept smiling at me as if he knew me. “It’s not just over-stress, right?” “It is.” “Being hospitalized for over-stress? Not waking up till now simply because he’s under too much stress? I’ve-” “Please don’t act as if you know Jacky very well. You’re just his classmate, a friend, or whatever. Please, I don’t want to start a quarrel or whatever. When I said over-stress, it’s over-stress. What more can I say?” “But-” “He’s just under too much stress. If you don’t believe me, fine with that. I’m going back to my office. I don’t want to be over-stressed myself.” With that, she went off, leaving me alone with the old man. “Young lady,” the old man suddenly asked. “Are you just his classmate, a friend?” He must have been eavesdropping on our conversation. However, I saw no harm in telling him the truth, so I said, “I believe I’m more than that.” “Alright then, love him while you can. In love, there’s only love or don’t love. Since you love him, do it now.” The old man said. Why do all old people say the same thing? For a nanosecond, I wondered if he was my long-lost dead Grandfather or not.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Suddenly, it all made sense. It all made so much sense that I bought a pack of cigarettes and lighted one before going back to the ward. “I wanna help you. To see you smile.” “I want to do something meaningful while I can.” Jacky had said that before. To do something meaningful while he could. I shivered at that thought. I really hoped that it would not be what I had expected. I walked up the stairs with my head spinning. The cigarette had made me giddy. Jacky had awakened when I reached the ward. He was smiling. “Hey.” I said.He just nodded weakly, and pointed to the flask of water beside him. I poured him water. “I like coffee better.” He smiled. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I said. I was biting my lips, taking deep breaths. I could hear every single beat of my heart, and it was so fast that I was unable to count. “You know?” Jacky mouthed. “Your mother told me all about it.” “Can’t be. I asked her not to tell anyone. She promised.” “How can a matter like this be kept a secret?” I said. I realized I was smiling. Gosh. “So, how many months more do you have?” I suddenly asked. Jacky was avoiding my gaze. Then he did the most astonishing feat I had ever seen in my life. He grabbed a lump of his hair, shook a bit, and pulled it out. Almost all his hairs were in his hand now. His scalp was nothing but few strings of thin hair. “Two more years, to be exact if I don’t have the operation within this few months.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jacky’s mother was a beautiful woman – it was obvious now where Jacky’s striking features had come from. She sat in the waiting room, muttering things that I could not understand. I was with Michael and Jacky’s other friends, all waiting anxiously as he was wheeled into the ward. Michael was trying to console all of us, and he was the one that introduced us as classmates of Jacky to his mother. The wait was over in about fifteen minutes. The doctor came out and talked to Jacky’s mother for a while. He was not smiling, nor was he frowning. When he finished, the nurse spoke to Jacky’s mother as the doctor went off. We went forward. I was trying to discern something from Jacky’s mother’s expression. She seemed relieved. “Jacky’s fine. Thanks a lot for all your concern. He just fainted due to stress over his studies. And he’s not fit to see anyone now. Come back another day, alright?” Jacky’s mother told us after the nurse had left. Everyone left but I stayed. I could sense that something was wrong. Jacky’s mother did not seem worried when talking to us. What left me dumbfounded was why Jacky should be hospitalized when he was merely under too much stress. I entered the ward. Jacky’s mother’s eyes were red-shot. She had been crying. When she saw me, she cupped her eyes for a while before opening them. “Didn’t I ask you all to go back home first?” she said, a bit impatiently. “Can I talk to you?”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Instead of talking at the hospital’s cafeteria, we went to the park. Jacky’s mother was a reserved lady. Throughout the whole journey, she said nothing. When we reached the park, we sat beside an old man. The old man was wearing a patient’s uniform, and he kept smiling at me as if he knew me. “It’s not just over-stress, right?” “It is.” “Being hospitalized for over-stress? Not waking up till now simply because he’s under too much stress? I’ve-” “Please don’t act as if you know Jacky very well. You’re just his classmate, a friend, or whatever. Please, I don’t want to start a quarrel or whatever. When I said over-stress, it’s over-stress. What more can I say?” “But-” “He’s just under too much stress. If you don’t believe me, fine with that. I’m going back to my office. I don’t want to be over-stressed myself.” With that, she went off, leaving me alone with the old man. “Young lady,” the old man suddenly asked. “Are you just his classmate, a friend?” He must have been eavesdropping on our conversation. However, I saw no harm in telling him the truth, so I said, “I believe I’m more than that.” “Alright then, love him while you can. In love, there’s only love or don’t love. Since you love him, do it now.” The old man said. Why do all old people say the same thing? For a nanosecond, I wondered if he was my long-lost dead Grandfather or not.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Suddenly, it all made sense. It all made so much sense that I bought a pack of cigarettes and lighted one before going back to the ward. “I wanna help you. To see you smile.” “I want to do something meaningful while I can.” Jacky had said that before. To do something meaningful while he could. I shivered at that thought. I really hoped that it would not be what I had expected. I walked up the stairs with my head spinning. The cigarette had made me giddy. Jacky had awakened when I reached the ward. He was smiling. “Hey.” I said.He just nodded weakly, and pointed to the flask of water beside him. I poured him water. “I like coffee better.” He smiled. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I said. I was biting my lips, taking deep breaths. I could hear every single beat of my heart, and it was so fast that I was unable to count. “You know?” Jacky mouthed. “Your mother told me all about it.” “Can’t be. I asked her not to tell anyone. She promised.” “How can a matter like this be kept a secret?” I said. I realized I was smiling. Gosh. “So, how many months more do you have?” I suddenly asked. Jacky was avoiding my gaze. Then he did the most astonishing feat I had ever seen in my life. He grabbed a lump of his hair, shook a bit, and pulled it out. Almost all his hairs were in his hand now. His scalp was nothing but few strings of thin hair. “Two more years, to be exact if I don’t have the operation within this few months.”
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