I Believe You
Chapter 11

I took a maximum dosage of anti-depressants every morning. I got a call from a nurse the next morning when I was in class. I went to the toilet to take the call. Dr Ong had assigned another therapist for me. I agreed to go, but I had already decided not to. I had ruined Mr. Kam with my curse. They had to believe in it. Jacky was back to himself. It was like yesterday’s episode never occurred. He continued to wear that smile everywhere he went. I wondered if he would treat me like a girlfriend, but no. He treated me just like how he treated me before. There was no difference, but I guessed that was a good beginning. We spent the next few days studying and reading and by the next week, we were on schedule for the full-dress rehearsal of our play. We had agreed to sing the song together as the play concluded. And I had agreed to do the free-style play. After we had changed into our costumes, I waited backstage. The song was then played loudly.

“Two A.M and the rain is falling

Here we are at the crossroads once again

You’re telling me you’re so confused

You can’t make up your mind

Is this meant to be

You’re asking me”

Jacky was lying on the stage, his eyes closed. I walked forward slowly, looking at the “unconscious” Jacky. “Romeo.” I whispered. “No, Romeo…” I rushed forward and genuflected in front of him, holding his head up. I could hear his breathing and smell his sweat. “Romeo…” I held his hand and clutched it tight. It was warm. I gripped it tighter, and then laid my head on his chest. “Why are you going away now when I’m so in love with you? Why?” The audience (consisting of lecturers and our classmates) was so quiet that we might even hear the flapping sound of a mosquito’s wings. My breaths were unsteady. I was blinking fast again. “Please leh, stay with me. I love you.” I should have given the cue to play the song, but I forgot to do so. Instead, I lay on Jacky’s chest, hearing his every heartbeat. Strangely, I had a fear: I feared that his heart might stop beating anytime. After about a minute of silence, the song was played again.

“But only love can stay

Try again or walk away

But I believeFor you and me

The sun will shine one day

So I just play my part

And pray you’ll have a change of heart

But I can’t make you see it through

That’s something only love can do…”

When the song faded off, I looked at a cup of chestnut water beside me. “Poison…” I said to let the audience know that that was not chestnut water. “Poison…” I tightened my grip on his hand and I could hear a soft groan from Jacky through his closed mouth. “Wait for me, Jacky. What for I live when you not around?” And I gulped down the chestnut water. It tasted sweet. I shook and nodded my head for several seconds before dropping onto the floor, my hand still holding on to Jacky’s. After a while, I sensed movement. Jacky was waking up. He said something before lying on my back. Everyone clapped. We thought we had done very well when one of the lecturers spotted a very obvious mistake on my part. “When you’re on the stage,” she said, “Jacky is Romeo and you’re Juliet.” I wondered if she was trying to be sarcastic or she was serious about pointing out my mistake.
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Our literature lecturer Mrs Goh treated us to dinner after the full-dress rehearsal. Everyone was impressed with our performance. They said we had “chemistry” and it was a very touching play. I begged to differ, for I thought I could have done better. “Call Landy and get her to join us.” Jacky suddenly cut in after we had placed our orders. I thought that was not a good idea so I did not call her. But Jacky persisted, “Go on, call her.” “No means no.” I said. I felt like we were a couple having a small spat. Jacky shook his head slightly and did not press the issue. Almost every student got either their parents or partners to send them home. Mrs Goh offered to give Jacky and me a lift, but we politely refused. And so we took a long bus ride back home. “Call Landy.” Jacky commanded when we were in the bus. There were less than ten people in the bus. “For what?” He glanced out of the window then pressed the bell. With that, he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the bus. I pushed his hand off and looked around me. “Knock it off! What the heck are you doing?” We were in the middle of a highway. “Why didn’t you go for the previous appointment with Dr Ong? Listen to me, Joanna. Listen to me well. Go for the appointments with Dr Ong. You’re sick.” He pointed to my forehead. “You need help.” I shoved his hand off again and snorted, “What do you know about me? Why act as if you’re me! I cursed one of them! If I had been harsher…” I stopped. I should not talk that much. “Just…” I stopped myself. “I’m going to prove it to you if you still don’t believe me.” “Prove what?” “Take out your handphone.” I threw my bag to the ground and gnashed my teeth. “I’m not your servant. I don’t do what you want me to do!” “I’m going to prove to you that your best friend Landy is just an imaginary friend.” I stopped breathing for exactly one second. That was it. That was too much. I slapped his right cheek hard, feeling the pain on my hand. He stared at me as if it did not hurt. But his cheek began to swell. “Landy doesn’t exist,” he said. I gave him another tight slap. The loud sound of the impact echoed into the night. Our eyes darted towards each other and images of Landy jogged in my mind. “You created her. She is the perfect portrayal of a lady, and you want to be like her. That’s very normal, Joanna. Nothing to be ashamed of. Many children have imaginary friends. They get over it. You’ve just been talking to your imaginary friend for the-” “No!” I yelled. My hand was too painful for another slap. “No, no, no! This can’t be! After all these… after all these......!” I turned. A bus came and I flagged it but it continued to drive past me. On its sign was “Off-Service”. “Joanna-” “Get away from me.” “Take out your handphone. Show me Landy is real.” I did what he said. “Now, read out Landy’s handphone number to me.” I scrolled through the phonebook in my handphone. L… Lay Hong, Lemon, Leslie, Luke, Luther… I scrolled again. Still the same. Landy Wen Wen Lan is her full name. I strolled to W. Wendy, Winnie. Still no Landy. “9…” I halted. I did not know what to say. “9…” Her number had got to be there! Someone must have deleted her number off my handphone. Yes, her number was my last dialed call. I just had to get to my Call Register…Last Dialed Number: Jacky Wu. “No…” I looked up at Jacky. He was frowning, but I knew he must have been enjoying every moment of this. “When you talk to the phone, you’re just talking to yourself.” “But you saw her! You saw her that day!” “I saw no one. I acted as if I saw her. Because I did not know what to do. I was so confused. Did you know what you did that day?” He broke into a smile, and then pointed to the air beside him. “Hi Jacky, this is Landy.” He paused. “This was what you did.” “She was there!” I was screaming now. “Dr Ong saw her as well-” “He faked it as well. He thought if we were to tell you that day in front of so many people, you’d be agitated. He said that the best remedy for an imaginary friend is to let it go away naturally. Make you happy, make you feel socially involved and the imaginary friend will go away. That’s the reason why he had increased the dosage of your anti-depressants.” “My grandmother can see her as well. Explain that to me then!” “Your grandma is three-quarters blind. She couldn’t tell the difference between Landy and the door. Who else has seen Landy before? No one.” “You’re lying.” I said. “You’re lying!” I saw a taxi from afar. I seized my bag and held my hand out. “You’re ruining my life.” “Please-” I could hear his fading voice, but he did not give chase. Before I got into the taxi, I took off the watch he had given me for my birthday and threw it far away.