Chapter 17
I washed my tears at the sink. I did not dare to look at the mirror, for I knew in the reflection stood a murderer. Jacky is dying. I suddenly wanted to talk to someone, but who could I talk to? I had only grandmother to talk to now, but I did not feel it appropriate to talk to her about this. In the end, with my eyes still swollen from the crying, I went back to the ward. Jacky smiled when he saw me, waving the book “Destiny’s Cries” on his hand. “Nice book, isn’t it?” I said nothing. I sat beside him, confused over what I had done. My curses always come true, isn’t that the case? Always… “Look at you. You’ve cried so much that your eyes are like tomatoes. Come; let me tell you a joke. Remember that day?” Which day was he referring to? He acted as if I could remember every day. “You know, that day, when I went on stage and said a joke, and you didn’t laugh?” Oh. That day. “You weren’t listening to me that day, right? Okay, I’m going to do an encore of it. You remain seated.” He pushed his blanket away. I was blinking fast, feeling an unusual pain in my eyes. Then he stood on the bed. I could see his legs shaking, not sure because of his fear or his cancerous cells. “What the-” I pushed my chair away. “Come down! What are you doing? It’s dangerous!” “Miss Joanna Fung, sit down, if not, I’ll keep on standing here till you sit down. Now, I’m going to repeat my performance on 27th March 2001!” I sank into my seat. He still remembers the exact date? Gosh. He’s… amazing. “There was once a matchstick who scratched its head. Then it died.” I could not believe he was doing all these. The joke was funny – in fact, very funny – but I was in no mood to laugh. Before I could say anything, he cut in again. He pointed at me and said, “That girl didn’t laugh.” Then he jumped a step, lowered his eyebrows and raised the pitch of his voice. “Which girl?” Again he jumped a step and said in his normal voice, “That girl with the glasses and long hair.” In a high pitched voice: “You mean the girl with tied up hair?” His voice: “Yeah, that’s the one. She never laughs!” High pitched: “Joanna! You didn’t laugh?” Finally he jumped one more step and clapped his hand. He seemed to be more active now, but he was panting softly. He darted his eyes onto mine, and this time, he said very softly, “Joanna, can you please wake up from your dreams and laugh at my joke? I beg you.” I lay back on my seat and started shaking with uncontrollable laughter. He was replaying that day so brilliantly, as if we had taken a trip back in time. Suddenly I could smell the scent of that very day: The laughter of my classmates, my anger when he pointed at me and the embarrassment when I “laughed” sarcastically. It all came back like a bolt of lightning. Jacky seemed exhausted. He beamed weakly, and slowly, lay back on the bed. Beads of sweat were escaping from his forehead. “You laughed.” He said. “You laughed. That’s nice. It’s been so long since I hear you laughing. Can you do me a favour?” Actually, I knew exactly what he was going to say next. Still, I asked, “What?” “Laugh more often.” “I want you to hear my laughter.” I proclaimed. I was shaking my head, biting my teeth. If he survives, I’m willing to do even a hundred favours for him. “Just… survive.” “Alright, I promise. You promise as well, okay?” he whipped out his last finger. I crossed my last finger with his. “I promise.” You silly boy, just survive.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
On Saturday, I went to the hospital early in the morning. As I had predicted, Jacky was sleeping. So I peeled an apple for my breakfast and before I could take a bite, I heard his voice. “Ah, an apple for breakfast. How nice.” He held out his hand, as if waiting for me to pass him the apple. I gave it to him. Soon after that, we started chatting. I tried not to talk about the surgery, but somehow, in the mist of the chat, I still blurted it accidentally. “It’s an easy operation.” He told me, his face beaming with confidence. “They’d just open up my skull, pull out the rock and sew my head back.” I said nothing and so he reached for the drawer. I helped him open it and saw a familiar watch inside. “Can you take out the watch?” His hand was shaking. Gosh oh gosh, I suddenly remembered what the doctor once said. “He’s slowly losing his ability to co-ordinate his muscle movements due to the cancer cells in his cerebellum. Just don’t let him do strenuous movements.” I held the watch in my hand. It was the watch that he had given me for my birthday, the watch that I had thrown away in anger. Yet it still looked so new, as if it had just been cleaned. “I really needed to pee that day. That’s why I ran off in such a hurry. I wasn’t embarrassed!” “Okay, I believe you.” “And er… remember the twenty bucks that I owe you?” “Twenty bucks?” “Yeah. That day when I needed a taxi to go home. Look, my wallet is-” “Can you return it to me after your surgery?” I interrupted. “Please.” He shrugged, laughing. “Okay. Gosh, I’ll wake up with a large load of debts.” “Just one.” “I also promised my mother that I’ll return her with a lifetime of love after I’ve wake up.” “Oh.” Can you also return me with a lifetime of love after you’ve wake up?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Someone once told me the longest wait is not created by the amount of time passed, but by your mind. I was sitting beside Jacky, peeling another apple. He could not eat, for he would be undergoing the surgery in an hour’s time. I took a bite out of my apple and understood why he was so keen on eating these apples: The taste was a balanced combination of sweet and sour. Jacky smiled, as if he was reading my mind. His face was an obvious victim of cancer: His bright and round eyes had veins snaking around. He must have lost at least three kilograms within this week. “One more hour.” He whispered. Or maybe he was shouting. That was his loudest voice. “One more hour.” I replied. And so, we spent the next thirty minutes chatting about anything and everything. He told me about his mother, and I thanked him for bringing my grandmother back into my life. “I didn’t do much. She was always beside you. You just didn’t notice her till now.” As usual, he was that modest. Suddenly, he asked, “Can I hold your hand?” I blushed and did not reply. However, my right hand automatically reached for him. And then we locked our hands. “Wait for me, okay?” I nodded. “I’ll be back. So don’t you run off! I’m still the sun, shining on you, the flower. I’ll be back once the cloud moves away. Wait, just wait, okay?” I turned my head to prevent him from seeing my teary eyes. A nurse came in, and for that moment I wanted to yell unlimited curses at the nurse. But I stopped myself and turned to Jacky. “Hello, you’d better come back. Even if you’re in hell or heaven, or any other place, you’d better come back here. Because I’ll…” I could not continue. I paused, gave myself a breather, and said, “I’ll be here, waiting for you.” He let go of my hand and used a finger to poke my hand. It was his last finger, intimating me to shake it. I held out my last finger as well and we locked finger, shaking up and down. “I promise.” “I promise too.” And as he was wheeled off, I experienced the longest wait in my life.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
On Saturday, I went to the hospital early in the morning. As I had predicted, Jacky was sleeping. So I peeled an apple for my breakfast and before I could take a bite, I heard his voice. “Ah, an apple for breakfast. How nice.” He held out his hand, as if waiting for me to pass him the apple. I gave it to him. Soon after that, we started chatting. I tried not to talk about the surgery, but somehow, in the mist of the chat, I still blurted it accidentally. “It’s an easy operation.” He told me, his face beaming with confidence. “They’d just open up my skull, pull out the rock and sew my head back.” I said nothing and so he reached for the drawer. I helped him open it and saw a familiar watch inside. “Can you take out the watch?” His hand was shaking. Gosh oh gosh, I suddenly remembered what the doctor once said. “He’s slowly losing his ability to co-ordinate his muscle movements due to the cancer cells in his cerebellum. Just don’t let him do strenuous movements.” I held the watch in my hand. It was the watch that he had given me for my birthday, the watch that I had thrown away in anger. Yet it still looked so new, as if it had just been cleaned. “I really needed to pee that day. That’s why I ran off in such a hurry. I wasn’t embarrassed!” “Okay, I believe you.” “And er… remember the twenty bucks that I owe you?” “Twenty bucks?” “Yeah. That day when I needed a taxi to go home. Look, my wallet is-” “Can you return it to me after your surgery?” I interrupted. “Please.” He shrugged, laughing. “Okay. Gosh, I’ll wake up with a large load of debts.” “Just one.” “I also promised my mother that I’ll return her with a lifetime of love after I’ve wake up.” “Oh.” Can you also return me with a lifetime of love after you’ve wake up?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Someone once told me the longest wait is not created by the amount of time passed, but by your mind. I was sitting beside Jacky, peeling another apple. He could not eat, for he would be undergoing the surgery in an hour’s time. I took a bite out of my apple and understood why he was so keen on eating these apples: The taste was a balanced combination of sweet and sour. Jacky smiled, as if he was reading my mind. His face was an obvious victim of cancer: His bright and round eyes had veins snaking around. He must have lost at least three kilograms within this week. “One more hour.” He whispered. Or maybe he was shouting. That was his loudest voice. “One more hour.” I replied. And so, we spent the next thirty minutes chatting about anything and everything. He told me about his mother, and I thanked him for bringing my grandmother back into my life. “I didn’t do much. She was always beside you. You just didn’t notice her till now.” As usual, he was that modest. Suddenly, he asked, “Can I hold your hand?” I blushed and did not reply. However, my right hand automatically reached for him. And then we locked our hands. “Wait for me, okay?” I nodded. “I’ll be back. So don’t you run off! I’m still the sun, shining on you, the flower. I’ll be back once the cloud moves away. Wait, just wait, okay?” I turned my head to prevent him from seeing my teary eyes. A nurse came in, and for that moment I wanted to yell unlimited curses at the nurse. But I stopped myself and turned to Jacky. “Hello, you’d better come back. Even if you’re in hell or heaven, or any other place, you’d better come back here. Because I’ll…” I could not continue. I paused, gave myself a breather, and said, “I’ll be here, waiting for you.” He let go of my hand and used a finger to poke my hand. It was his last finger, intimating me to shake it. I held out my last finger as well and we locked finger, shaking up and down. “I promise.” “I promise too.” And as he was wheeled off, I experienced the longest wait in my life.
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